From Stress to Shoulder Pain: How Emotions Create Physical Symptoms
It was the morning of my TEDx talk.
I had done everything I could to prepare—practiced, prayed, rehearsed, journaled. I’d visualized the talk going well a dozen times. I woke up ready to go. But then, out of nowhere, this sharp, searing pain hit me in my shoulder.
It wasn’t the usual tension I get from sleeping funny or from carrying around stress. This was different—like someone had jammed a knife right between my shoulder blade and spine. I stretched. I rolled my shoulder. I tried essential oils. I even asked my husband to rub it out. Nothing worked.
I started to panic. How could I possibly stand on that stage, give a TEDx talk, and inspire an audience when I couldn’t even lift my arm without wincing?
But then the strangest thing happened. I walked out onto that red dot, gave my talk—heart pounding, adrenaline pumping—and the moment I stepped off the stage, the pain vanished. Completely gone.
That experience was a vivid reminder that the body doesn’t just respond to stress—it stores it. It was my body’s way of screaming, “Hey! You’re holding too much!”
And I know I’m not alone in that.
How many times have you had a headache after an argument? Or a stomachache before a big meeting? Or maybe your shoulders and neck turn into bricks every time you have too much on your plate?
These are all examples of what we call somatic symptoms—physical sensations or illnesses that stem from underlying emotional stress or trauma.
The Body Keeps the Score (Literally)
We often think of the mind and body as separate. There’s this unspoken belief that emotional pain lives in our heads while physical pain lives in our bodies. But modern science—and thousands of years of human experience—tell a very different story.
Your body and mind are not two separate systems. They’re deeply intertwined. What happens emotionally shows up physically, whether we realize it or not.
Psychiatrist and trauma researcher Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, describes this beautifully: the body remembers what the mind can’t or won’t process. That means when we push down emotions like grief, fear, anger, or guilt, they don’t just disappear—they settle somewhere in the body.
Maybe it’s your gut. Maybe it’s your shoulders. Maybe it’s your jaw, your back, or your skin. Wherever it lands, your body carries that unprocessed emotion until you find a way to release it.
And moms—let’s be real—we’re carrying a lot.
We carry mental lists, guilt, expectations, worries, and everyone else’s emotions. So it’s no wonder our bodies sometimes wave the white flag.
If this idea feels familiar, you might love this episode on the mental load of motherhood, where I talk about how constantly juggling everyone’s needs can lead to emotional and physical burnout.
What Exactly Are Somatic Symptoms?
Somatic symptoms are physical sensations that occur due to emotional or psychological stress rather than a purely medical cause. They can look like:
- Headaches or migraines
- Fatigue or insomnia
- Back, neck, or shoulder pain
- Digestive issues like IBS
- Tightness in the chest or heart palpitations
- Autoimmune flare-ups
- Unexplained chronic pain
Now, let’s be clear: this doesn’t mean “it’s all in your head.” The pain is real. It’s just that the origin may not be in the muscle or tissue itself—it’s in the nervous system.
When we’re anxious or stressed, our bodies go into fight-or-flight mode. Heart rate increases, digestion slows, muscles tense. It’s the body’s natural way of protecting us. But when that stress response stays activated for too long, it starts to wreak havoc on the body.
Your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between a tiger chasing you and your toddler’s meltdown, your mother-in-law’s comments, or your overflowing to-do list. It just registers “danger.”
Over time, that constant activation leads to inflammation, exhaustion, and pain.
If this resonates, you might also enjoy this episode on high-functioning anxiety in motherhood, where I unpack how constant internal pressure can disguise itself as “just being productive.”
The Science Behind the Mind-Body Connection
The mind-body connection is more than just intuition—it’s well-documented by research.
One of the most influential studies on this topic is the ACE Study (Adverse Childhood Experiences). It found that people who experienced trauma or chronic stress in childhood were far more likely to develop physical health problems as adults—things like heart disease, autoimmune conditions, diabetes, and chronic pain.
Other studies have linked chronic stress to inflammation, hormonal imbalances, and weakened immune response. When we suppress emotions like anger, sadness, or fear, we activate stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Those chemicals are helpful in short bursts but damaging when they stay elevated for too long.
So when we say things like, “Stress is making me sick,” it’s not just a metaphor—it’s biology.
There’s also fascinating research showing that trauma survivors often experience higher rates of chronic pain, gastrointestinal issues, and even skin conditions. The body literally “keeps the score” until those emotions are processed and released.
If you want to dig deeper into this idea, check out this episode where I talk about healing emotional wounds through self-compassion—because compassion is one of the most powerful antidotes to stored stress.
Common Physical Symptoms of Emotional Stress
Let’s look at some common ways stress and trauma can show up in your body:
1. Headaches and Migraines
Tension headaches are one of the most common somatic symptoms. Often, they’re related to suppressed anger, perfectionism, or feeling over-responsible for everyone else.
2. Digestive Issues
Our gut is sometimes called our “second brain.” Anxiety and stress can wreak havoc on digestion, leading to IBS, bloating, or nausea.
3. Shoulder and Neck Pain
This one hits home for me. Shoulders often symbolize burden. We carry the weight of responsibilities, expectations, and guilt—both our own and others’.
4. Back Pain
Lower back pain can sometimes symbolize a lack of support—either emotional, financial, or relational.
5. Fatigue
When your body is constantly in fight-or-flight mode, it burns through energy like wildfire. You’re running a marathon every day without realizing it.
6. Autoimmune Flare-Ups
Some studies suggest chronic stress can trigger or worsen autoimmune disorders. Emotional trauma can influence how the immune system reacts and regulates itself.
If you’re nodding along to any of this, you might love this episode about burnout and the myth of the Supermom, where we talk about how trying to do it all can take a toll on both your body and mind.
Why Your Body Speaks When You Don’t
Here’s the truth: your body is not your enemy. It’s your messenger.
When you ignore emotional pain, your body takes the mic. It might whisper at first—a headache, a sore neck, a bit of fatigue. But if you keep pushing, it starts shouting.
Your body’s goal isn’t to punish you—it’s to protect you. It’s trying to get your attention.
In trauma therapy, we often talk about the felt sense—how your body feels emotions before your mind can name them. Sometimes, you’ll feel anxiety as tightness in your chest or sadness as heaviness in your stomach. These sensations are your body’s language.
Ignoring them doesn’t make them go away—it just buries them deeper.
If this idea speaks to you, listen to this episode on learning to listen to your body’s cues for simple ways to reconnect with what your body is trying to tell you.
How to Begin Releasing What Your Body Holds
You don’t have to live at war with your body. Here are a few ways to start listening and releasing what it’s holding:
1. Bring Awareness to Your Patterns
Notice when your symptoms flare up. Is it after stressful conversations? When you’re overcommitted? During times of guilt or resentment? Track these patterns in a journal.
2. Practice Grounding
Grounding techniques help you stay present and remind your body it’s safe. Try deep breathing, gentle stretching, or placing your hand over your heart and saying, “I’m okay in this moment.”
You might also check out this episode on grounding strategies for moms who feel overwhelmed where I guide you through a few quick exercises you can do anytime.
3. Move Your Body with Intention
Gentle movement—like yoga, walking, or dancing—helps release stored tension. The key is to move with awareness, not punishment.
4. Seek Support
Therapy—especially trauma-informed or somatic-based approaches—can help you safely process what your body has been holding. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness-based therapies can also help you reconnect to your physical sensations in a safe way.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
When symptoms appear, instead of getting frustrated, try asking:
“What might my body be trying to tell me?”
Then listen without judgment.
If you want to dive deeper into this practice, listen to this episode about reframing negative self-talk—because how you talk to yourself directly impacts how your body feels.
Your Body Is on Your Side
That shoulder pain the morning of my TEDx talk wasn’t random—it was communication. My body was holding everything I hadn’t expressed: the fear, the pressure, the stress of wanting to do well.
And the moment that moment of pressure passed, my body let go.
Our bodies are so wise. They carry us, speak for us, and protect us—especially when we’re too busy or afraid to slow down.
So if you’ve been experiencing pain, fatigue, or chronic tension that seems to have no clear explanation, try pausing to ask: What am I holding onto emotionally?
It’s not about dismissing medical care—you should absolutely get things checked out. But it’s also worth exploring the emotional layer underneath. Because sometimes, healing starts not with medication, but with awareness.
If this message resonates, I think you’ll appreciate Overcoming Mom Guilt: Setting Boundaries without Feeling Guilty, because emotional boundaries often lead to physical relief too.
The Takeaway
Your body is not betraying you. It’s communicating with you.
Somatic symptoms are your body’s way of saying, “Something deeper needs attention.” When you start listening instead of pushing through, you’ll find the relief you’ve been searching for.
And the beautiful part? As you begin to process those emotions, you’ll likely find your physical pain easing, your energy returning, and your peace expanding.
So today, try checking in with your body. Notice where you’re holding tension. Breathe into it. Give it permission to speak.
Because healing isn’t just about taking care of your mind or your body—it’s about bringing both back into harmony.
